Takin' care of business...nope...takin' care of me...

I'm sure I'm the only one who ever feels overwhelmed and not sure where to turn first...or next...or wait, what about that other thing...arrrgh!

I haven't written this past week or so because I've been sick.  I figure, I have no business pushing myself to blog or feel guilty about it if I can't even muster up the energy to take a shower.  So yeah, my criteria for high quality writing is on par with the ability to bathe myself.  Something like that...


However, it brought to mind some advice I was given, by a wise woman several years ago, that has always served me well, "When you don't know where to turn or what to do next, take care of yourself first."  It seems so simple, yet almost always feels counter-intuitive when I need it most.

We all have a huge number of demands on our time...jobs, children, hobbies, life goals, partners, friends, family, social commitments, health and fitness goals (don't even get me started on New Years resolutions!), and so on.  Many of these are enjoyable and by choice.  However, that doesn't mean they can't be draining, especially when your schedule looks like the perfect storm of obligations converging.

I could write a whole (or several) entries on "saying no", and I'm sure I'll explore that further at some point, however, this entry is about recognizing when to pause and listen to that voice that says, "you have some basic needs that need to be met so you can make good decisions, be social, be reliable, etc."  This seems like a first cousin to "saying no."

There was a time, a number of years ago, when I had pushed myself professionally to exhaustion.  I had so much on my shoulders that I couldn't tell you what day it was, what time it was, if I was wearing clean clothes, the last time I'd gone to bed before 3am....you get the idea.  I ended up sitting on the floor of the server closet (it wasn't even a proper room...just a tiny closet) at work and having a meltdown (yes, tears and snot were involved...). 

Someone walked in and asked what they could do to help...it was about 3pm...my response was, "Please bring me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chips and a coke."  I realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten.  After that, I went and washed my face and brushed my hair and emailed a few people telling them that things wouldn't be fixed that day.  I resembled a human again, went home, got some sleep and came in early the next day and pulled some IT kung-fu on that server (and felt great about it!).

I'd love to say I learned my lesson and lived happily every after from that day forward, but no, it has taken a few more near-meltdowns of various sorts to put the pieces together and realize the importance of catching myself early when I'm in need of attention - and then putting myself first and meeting my needs without feeling guilty.  Even today, with all the self-awareness I've focused on this effort, I still get to the point of feeling overwhelmed a few times a year.  However, now, when that happens, I know what to do...eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Take care of yourselves during this busy, high stress time of year, don't forget to use your sense of humor, and realize that the party (even a fancy dinner party!) will go on if you're late.  If every last decoration isn't perfect...oh well, call it "character."  And if you say "no" to social invitations, sure, some people might miss you or be disappointed, but what a good excuse to get together for cocktails in the new year!

Happy holidays everyone...

It's important to know when t

When I was training my dog they reinforced the practice of stopping while it was still fun for you and the dog...leave 'em wanting more.  I think Aymii-training sessions should work that way too!

One possibly-not-so-obvious aspect of the 15 minutes a day plan is to be diligent about stopping at 15 minutes...even if I feel like I'm on a roll or I might forget some really important point.  I used to feel compelled to get to a "good stopping point" before taking a break from a project.  I've noticed that, as I've evolved my behavior change and time management skills, leaving off at a really awkward point (even *gasp* in the middle of a sentence) actually makes it easier for me to pick up again when I come back.  It's very obvious where I stopped!  It's also good training for my brain to reinforce that leaving something part-way finished (with a clear plan to come back to it) has positive consequences.  Of course, if you make a habit of leaving projects unfinished with no clear plan to store them, dispose of them or come back to them...that's another story...and a different behavioral pattern for a different day... (and possibly someone else's blog...)
 
Forcing myself not to overdo it has provided unforeseen benefits:

• It helps distill what is truly important.  If I can't remember what I wanted to say the next day, it probably wasn't all that critical to begin with.
• It forces me to focus.  Knowing that I only have 15 minutes on the clock makes me put all my energy into writing / editing / proofreading during that time.  I've developed adjunct habits to eliminate distractions during this period.
• As mentioned above, it (over time) creates a comfort level with leaving things incomplete.  This is a can be difficult for those of us (looking myself squarely in the eye) who link accomplishment to closure.  It can manifest itself in numerous unexpected ways throughout life (i.e. "cleaning your plate" as a sign when to stop eating, rather than when you're full - a topic for another day).
• It gives me the right amount of breathing room to come back and proof-read and edit.  If I proof-read right when I've finished, then I'm in the same mindset and am likely to skim over points that could use some revising.  I'd like to think this also improves the quality of the output...
• I leaves me wanting more.  15 minutes is enough time to get a decent amount of focused writing done, but I'm left with the sense of having more to say and wanting to come back.

So you can figure out for yourselves how long it took me to complete this post.  I've been true to this daily habit so far, and am actually enjoying it far more than I anticipated and definitely more than I did when a writing session equated to finishing the blog post.

As an aside - I also learned to play the bodhran (Irish drum) this way.  I used to practice only while my english muffins were in the toaster in the morning.  Now I'm quite accomplished at it, but always have a vague desire to eat breakfast foods after an Irish session. :-)