I haven't written this past week or so because I've been sick. I figure, I have no business pushing myself to blog or feel guilty about it if I can't even muster up the energy to take a shower. So yeah, my criteria for high quality writing is on par with the ability to bathe myself. Something like that...
However, it brought to mind some advice I was given, by a wise woman several years ago, that has always served me well, "When you don't know where to turn or what to do next, take care of yourself first." It seems so simple, yet almost always feels counter-intuitive when I need it most.
We all have a huge number of demands on our time...jobs, children, hobbies, life goals, partners, friends, family, social commitments, health and fitness goals (don't even get me started on New Years resolutions!), and so on. Many of these are enjoyable and by choice. However, that doesn't mean they can't be draining, especially when your schedule looks like the perfect storm of obligations converging.
I could write a whole (or several) entries on "saying no", and I'm sure I'll explore that further at some point, however, this entry is about recognizing when to pause and listen to that voice that says, "you have some basic needs that need to be met so you can make good decisions, be social, be reliable, etc." This seems like a first cousin to "saying no."
There was a time, a number of years ago, when I had pushed myself professionally to exhaustion. I had so much on my shoulders that I couldn't tell you what day it was, what time it was, if I was wearing clean clothes, the last time I'd gone to bed before 3am....you get the idea. I ended up sitting on the floor of the server closet (it wasn't even a proper room...just a tiny closet) at work and having a meltdown (yes, tears and snot were involved...).
Someone walked in and asked what they could do to help...it was about 3pm...my response was, "Please bring me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chips and a coke." I realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. After that, I went and washed my face and brushed my hair and emailed a few people telling them that things wouldn't be fixed that day. I resembled a human again, went home, got some sleep and came in early the next day and pulled some IT kung-fu on that server (and felt great about it!).
I'd love to say I learned my lesson and lived happily every after from that day forward, but no, it has taken a few more near-meltdowns of various sorts to put the pieces together and realize the importance of catching myself early when I'm in need of attention - and then putting myself first and meeting my needs without feeling guilty. Even today, with all the self-awareness I've focused on this effort, I still get to the point of feeling overwhelmed a few times a year. However, now, when that happens, I know what to do...eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Take care of yourselves during this busy, high stress time of year, don't forget to use your sense of humor, and realize that the party (even a fancy dinner party!) will go on if you're late. If every last decoration isn't perfect...oh well, call it "character." And if you say "no" to social invitations, sure, some people might miss you or be disappointed, but what a good excuse to get together for cocktails in the new year!
Happy holidays everyone...
There's something to be said of extricating yourself from situations that you feel make the day to day easier but on the whole are not conducive to taking care of "you". I see a lot of people who stay in situations because they feel like its easy and takes care of their needs, when in reality it does slow and serious damage to their 'self' to stay.
ReplyDeleteDriving ones self to exhaustion can manifest the effects quickly enough that we can face the consequences in time to change but it's also important to look at our lives in the long picture and see the effects of our choices that will have consequences well down the road.
It is true the PBJ can fix these immediate and long term effects. Mmmm, PBJ
Good points...and I think awareness can be a critical first step in the process. It's easy to get into "monkey do" mode and just let the momentum of tasks and routine carry you forward. It's much harder and requires a more sophisticated set of self-awareness skills to remember to pause and evaluate *why* you're taking the actions you are. I try to find touchstones to remind me from time to time to take that pause. If nothing else, having a calendar driven habit is a good start - a birthday reassessment of life, extracurricular activity spring cleaning, that sort of thing.
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