None of us are born knowing how to cope with stress, with the exception of expressing lack of basic needs. At some point between two and forty years old it becomes inappropriate to cry and scream and poop in your pants if you're not getting what you want. I'm still not sure of the exact age when that happens...but probably around late 20s. If you suspect that might not be the best strategy for you, here are a few other techniques to try:
- Identify primary stressors & mentally prepare: Most people think of extremely high stress jobs as needing conditioned training - rescue workers, lion tamers, astronauts, race car drivers - you get the idea... Even if those aren't your particular ambitions, you can still use similar techniques to prepare for your own conditions. Visualize yourself in the stressful situation and think about your actions, demeanor and reactions. Think about why it triggers these responses in you. By intentfully performing this exercise it activates the same areas in the brain that are activated during the real situation. Having an understanding and being prepared for what your body and brain will do helps minimize the "in the moment" decisions needed. Depending on the particular circumstances, watch videos of similar situations and sit with your mental and physical reactions without judging. This may seem a little silly or simple at first, but if it helps make you a more relaxed, capable person, then why not? Once you are "in the moment" it's too late - instincts and pre-established patterns take over. The way that has worked for me to change my patterns is to recognize them outside of the actual event and understand the "whys" that created them.
- A small plan: Take a few minutes and put some thought into something you might do differently to deal with the situation. There's no need to make an "ultimate plan" (said in a booming echo-y voice), just come up with one little thing you're going to try differently this time. If it doesn't help, no big deal - try something different next time. For example - if you know that being stuck in traffic stresses you out, and you have no way to avoid it, how about trying an audio book or podcast instead of music? What about an audio course to learn a new language for fun? Who cares if you actually learn something - that's not the point - the point is to take your focus away from your usual stressor - the traffic.
That being said...my mom just pulled into the driveway...she used to be a source of stress for me (I'm not 12 anymore you know...geeze MOM!!!), but I've worked hard on understanding those triggers and now I'm happy to see her. :-)
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